Kids…

Tech [6:52:39 AM]: Welcome to our real-time support chat. How can I help you today, and what is your domain name? Please bear in mind I handle multiple chats simultaneously. It might be a few minutes before I respond.
Customer [6:52:39 AM]: What is the capital of France?
Tech [6:52:59 AM]: http://www.google.com/search?q=france+capitol&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=com.ubuntu:en-US:unofficial&client=firefox-a
Customer [6:53:22 AM]: are you sure that is correct? capitol or capital?
Tech [6:54:04 AM]: http://www.google.com/search?q=definition+capital&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=com.ubuntu:en-US:unofficial&client=firefox-a
http://www.google.com/search?q=definition+capitol&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=com.ubuntu:en-US:unofficial&client=firefox-a
Customer [6:54:44 AM]: thank you :)
Tech [6:55:02 AM]: Glad I could assist you with your homework.

Love your Fellow Nations

Customer [4:52:27 AM]: we promise to defeate your government
Tech[4:52:37 AM]: thats cool
Customer [4:52:48 AM]: sooooooooon not later we will do
Tech [4:52:51 AM]: did you have a real question or are you just wanting to be immature?
Customer [4:53:17 AM]: i am mature but very angry
Tech [4:53:18 AM]: because I’m sorry but if you’re just wanting to be immature… I really don’t have much patience for it
Customer [4:53:32 AM]: and iam too
Tech [4:53:34 AM]: if you were mature you wouldnt open such a ridiculous line of dialogue
Tech [4:53:38 AM]: with someone you don’t know
Tech [4:53:56 AM]: do you realize how silly you are making yourself look right now?
Tech [4:54:07 AM]: and what a poor statement you are making for your cause?
Customer [4:54:14 AM]: you are american and that is enough to get my hate
Tech [4:54:21 AM]: if you wanted to TRULY defeat our government
Tech [4:54:30 AM]: why dont you try acting BETTER than our government
Tech [4:54:39 AM]: instead of acting like a spoiled child?
Tech [4:54:42 AM]: just a thought
Customer [4:54:44 AM]: i will do
Tech [4:54:45 AM]: chew on it a while
Tech [4:54:47 AM]: have a good day

Lost in Translation

Customer [3:12:34 AM]: *Domain, bill, It* didn’t pass. The address. 2 weeks became. Do you help *Mail, throw, arrive, you, What, do, necessary,
1st tech to other tech [3:13:09 AM]: can someone translate?
Other tech [3:14:58 AM]: sure, the translation is: Me, jane, eat, sleep, defecate, play on computer box, hit head on things, press buttons, fun.

Techy Tarzan with a Sense of Humor

Customer [2:45:38 AM]: me Tarzan
Tech [2:45:48 AM]: And me [Tech].
Customer [2:46:29 AM]: lol… didn’t know this think actually works…. don’t want to take your time..just messing around
Customer [2:46:35 AM]: but…
Customer [2:46:41 AM]: did you see Jane !?
Tech [2:47:06 AM]: I no see Jane, just sales questions. 🙂
Customer [2:47:48 AM]: damn it… that crazy woman is gone shopping again .. with my jungle credit cards … well have a nice day buddy I am going to start up my elephant
Customer [2:48:39 AM]: I will beat her like an neanderthal when I catch it..
Tech [2:48:46 AM]: haha. Thanks for contacting Support.

Some Things Aren’t Free?!?!

This conversation took place over the phone and is paraphrased below:

Customer: My free trial isn’t working anymore.

Tech: Yes, I’m sorry, but the free trial ended yesterday. We may open up another free trial in the future, but if you wanted to continue with that right now, you would have to purchase it.

Customer: Are you telling me that it isn’t free? Is there no way to get that free?!

Tech: I am sorry, but there currently isn’t.

Customer: I have been a longstanding customer of yours! I would have expected better than this!!! *Slams the phone down — click*

You make me work too much!

Tech [8:45:10 AM]: Hello how are you today?
Customer [8:45:10 AM]: my main domain is [domainname], username : [user] and password is: [password]…..What is my IP address?
Tech [8:46:20 AM]: You can see it in your cPanel on the left hand side
Customer [8:46:35 AM]: pls tell me…i cant see it
Tech [8:46:51 AM]: If you look directly on the left hand side
[8:46:55 AM]: you can see the ip address
[8:47:18 AM]: The lower left hand side
Customer [8:48:27 AM]: if u cant give me an information i need…then why are u been paid????? Good day…..this is one reason why i am leaving [your company]….because of people like u