A customer calls in complaining about some things requesting the impossible. The tech tries to explain that what the customer wants just won’t work.
Customer: Haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?
Tech: Yes I have.
Customer: And have you ever heard of customer satisfaction.
Tech: Yes. And I usually agree with it, too.
Customer: *click*
The customer is complaining about there only being a 12, 24, or 36 month option… All he wants is one year.
Customer: i was looking into the support site and i couldn’t choose for 12 months only
Tech: for both of those are 75$ a year
Customer: can i just buy for a year only?
Tech: 1, 2, or 3 year
Customer: ok
Customer: if i want to pay for a year , can you give me the total price?
Customer: I want to use this template, but your techs won’t help me find it and install it!
Tech: Ok, I am sorry. This is unsupported, but let me see if I can help you find it. What is the name of the template?
Customer: [Gives the name of the template]
Tech: Ok, try putting this in your google search bar: [Offers keyword suggestion based on template name]
Customer: Oh here it is. How do I download it?
Tech: Cllick “Download Theme” and then save it.
Customer: Ok, and then I want to click to open it?
Tech: No. You need to save it. Click Save.
Customer: Ok, I presume I want to open it then… Now what do I do? I have a bunch of things here that I don’t know what they are! style.css, images… what should I do.
Tech: Sir, you need to download the them, you simply opened it.
Customer: But I have these things I don’t know what to do with?!
Tech: Go to the website again and click “Download Theme”
Customer: What about these things?
Tech: Just leave them alone.
Customer: Ok, so I click “Download Theme?”
Tech: That’s right. And then click Save.
Customer: And then I click to open it?
Tech: No, you need to save it.
Customer: … Oh! So that’s what I did wrong!
Customer: I want to speak to a man technician not a woman technician because you have open relay on your servers my account didn’t send this spam! Do you even know what open relay is?
Tech: Yes sir, I know but it isn’t necessary because we don’t allow open relay…it is being sent from your account.
Customer: Woman doesn’t know anything…I want a man technician.
Tech: Uh sir, you have a sendmail script compromise in your 2.6 version of WordPress. go.go.php, sys.system.php, and russian.txt encoded binary file? The headers are also show evidence indicative of a scripted send from your account.
Customer: ………uh.
Customer: your blood’s worth bottling, thanks!