The Customer is Always W(right)rong

A customer calls in complaining about some things requesting the impossible. The tech tries to explain that what the customer wants just won’t work.

Customer: Haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?

Tech: Yes I have.

Customer: And have you ever heard of customer satisfaction.

Tech: Yes. And I usually agree with it, too.

Customer: *click*

12 Months in a Year

The customer is complaining about there only being a 12, 24, or 36 month option… All he wants is one year.

Customer: i was looking into the support site and i couldn’t choose for 12 months only

Tech: for both of those are 75$ a year

Customer: can i just buy for a year only?

Tech: 1, 2, or 3 year

Customer: ok

Customer: if i want to pay for a year , can you give me the total price?

Please (Don’t) Tell Me How

Customer: I want to use this template, but your techs won’t help me find it and install it!

Tech: Ok, I am sorry. This is unsupported, but let me see if I can help you find it. What is the name of the template?

Customer: [Gives the name of the template]

Tech: Ok, try putting this in your google search bar: [Offers keyword suggestion based on template name]

Customer: Oh here it is. How do I download it?

Tech: Cllick “Download Theme” and then save it.

Customer: Ok, and then I want to click to open it?

Tech: No. You need to save it. Click Save.

Customer: Ok, I presume I want to open it then… Now what do I do? I have a bunch of things here that I don’t know what they are! style.css, images… what should I do.

Tech: Sir, you need to download the them, you simply opened it.

Customer: But I have these things I don’t know what to do with?!

Tech: Go to the website again and click “Download Theme”

Customer: What about these things?

Tech: Just leave them alone.

Customer: Ok, so I click “Download Theme?”

Tech: That’s right. And then click Save.

Customer: And then I click to open it?

Tech: No, you need to save it.

Customer: … Oh! So that’s what I did wrong!

Primitive (Wo)men

Customer: I want to speak to a man technician not a woman technician because you have open relay on your servers my account didn’t send this spam! Do you even know what open relay is?

Tech: Yes sir, I know but it isn’t necessary because we don’t allow open relay…it is being sent from your account.

Customer: Woman doesn’t know anything…I want a man technician.

Tech: Uh sir, you have a sendmail script compromise in your 2.6 version of WordPress. go.go.php, sys.system.php, and russian.txt encoded binary file? The headers are also show evidence indicative of a scripted send from your account.

Customer: ………uh.